“Tonight we’re going to give what his parents and the legal system should have done years ago,” host Kevin Hart said. “We’re going to give this boy an ass-whoopin’.”
“Ebola patients hear about ‘Bieber fever’ and say, ‘I’m gonna go ahead and ride this one out.’”
“Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she’s dating men now,”
“Is it true you dumped her because she grew a mustache before you?”
“Justin Bieber wants to be black so bad, he’s actually seen Kevin Hart’s movies in theaters,”
“You have it all, Except love, friends, good parents, and a Grammy.”
“They say that you roast the ones you love, but I don’t like you at all, man. I’m just here because it’s a real good opportunity for me.”
“Actually you should thank me for participating in this extremely transparent attempt to be more likable in the public eye. And, I hope it doesn’t work.”
“Justin, as a father of six you have to straighten up, son,” Shaq said. “Last year, you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-Un didn’t rank that low. And he uses your music to torture people.”
“You bought a monkey! I mean, that monkey was more embarrassed than the one that started the AIDS epidemic.”
“This kid has spunk, moxie, and a few other STDs,”
“All these rappers on stage and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time,”
“You need to settle down, bring some balance into your life,” she said.
“Find yourself the right gal, but she’s going to have to really special, someone on your level, someone powerful and famous and rich.
“Someone you can smoke a joint with or engage in the occasional three-way.
“I’m talking about a player in the boardroom and a freak in the bedroom,” she said.
“So, Justin, my final piece of advice is, call me.”